Creating Within.

In this transition of life, I am just barely tapping in to my creative side. Some people know my artistic roots, but not everyone knows how much my art is part of me. In the past, it was a way to communicate. It allowed me to escape. To dream. To create. And to be honest, in recent years, I can see how I stuffed my creativity to live the status quo. The dreams were just that too. Status quo and definitely on hold. I don't know if it can be attributed to the circumstances of life or the people with which I chose to have in my intimate circles. Somehow, I still let remnants of that crap still linger. Grrrr.

Anyhow, as I venture in this new chapter and in this year to thrive, I know that the creative stirring needs attention. I long to put pen to paper, brush to canvas, cloth to machine, party to planning. And to channel my energy into the avenues of making this a profession to become a possibility, which will turn the crud into creativity.

In having tea with a friend the other day, it became apparent through my confessions to her that I may have a fear of actually succeeding with anything creative, but with that also comes the accompanied anxiety of some forms of potential rejection. I don't think that it is really the rejection that scares me, but more of navigating through an unknown, though that seems to be such a strong reoccurring theme for me in this stage. For so long, I had chosen what was safe, expected, and what seemed the most convenient. I am beyond exhausted with that kind of living, but this fog isn't any more clear to me. Sometimes I feel like a zombie walking and we all know my gravitation towards zombies and monsters (not all of which are healthy).

All this to say, I suppose I journal these things in my blog to keep me accountable. To remind me that I need to use this time as a springboard to more creativity. And I am also promising to continue to step out of the mundane. The things that haunt my nights and storm my days will soon be defeated. I will not let the things of the past define what will be my future. There are things that I know are better left behind. Time to dream. To hope. To dust off the sewing machine and get all of my art supplies out. The visions are reviving. Characters are being born. Stories are being written. I am surrounded by those that celebrate with me and give me moments and space to think and design. There are those that believe so strongly in me that it gives me the strength and courage to do this. Some even provide the outlets. And so let the creating begin.