Christmas Letter. 2014.

Dear Friends...

Of course, I'd like to send out Christmas cards, but life is chaotic once again in preparations for my move (yes, I know...again) to a place I hope to call home for more than a minute. 

As I sit down to write this letter, I'm typing it from my phone as I wait to for Jane to finish dance class. (I'll explain later) Life is moving at a completely different pace than it was 12 months ago. But to be truthful, this is peace in chaos, which is unexpected. And I'm more than enjoying this chapter and all it is bringing. Reflecting on this year, it's been a lifetime of events in a mere 350 some odd days. 

I started the year in a relationship and with what I thought was a steady career.  Soon into the year, I was laid off from teaching, so plans to make the relationship more permanent seemed like an attainable reality. The decision to move to him seemed to make sense. I sold half of my furniture, clothes, and much of my other worldly possessions and moved once summer hit. I moved south with great dreams. And I also moved with a plan. Jory (my Bestest) became my business partner and Studio Black Sheep was born. I must say with truth that Jory has been a highlight of my year. The memories we've made in this adventure have been engrained in my brain for a lifetime and the proof lives on in Instagram and on Facebook. I mean, how can we forget that one time in Gustine?! 

And though the move to San Diego was sadly short lived as I love it there, it was a major springboard for change. With the sudden and quite unexpected move back to the LA area, I nannied (for like, a minute) for a few families before landing an amazing job at The LAB. The position, though hard to define, is incredible and tailor made for my personality, but more importantly, the people I've met have made the biggest impact in my life in such a short period of time. My boss and his wife feel like we've known each other for years. He continues to validate me as a person which NEVER happened with my previous working situation. The humor in our office is nothing short of a reality show in the making. And through this working at the office, I've also met the dad of one incredible girl. 

Jane. As I seem to have J's in spades, she's of course, the youngest in my collection, but nonetheless seems to make up for it with her larger than life personality. You know, it's interesting how our lives cross paths with people that are kindred spirits. The kind of people you meet and know you'll be connected for life. And as I have days I miss parts of my life with middle schoolers, I have her to tutor and mentor. She's my people. We understand each other. I get to spend these chunks of time with her. As we work on homework in between her dance classes, we are getting to spend time hanging out too. I see her learn, grow, be silly or serious and to be in conversation. I also get entertained as she is, after all, a thirteen year old. She fills my heart. It isn't something I can label, or even explain in a phrase or even a sentence, but I am thankful for what this is.  

This year has included the births of friendships. The deaths of relationships. A whole heck of a lot of time in a baseball stadium. Countless road trips. Living with gracious people in between chaotic life stages. Lots of #YAAAAASSSSS. Too many cardboard boxes. Idaho. Learning to conquer my anxiety and depression demons. Coffee in excess. A life changing Step Study. My collection of J's. A new car (with the gracious help of my dad and Katty Kat...ahh, Gustine). Making San Fran/Sac town my home away from home. Navigating my way back into church. And of course, Stella (Truly my only constant in this year other than the theme of change. Hard to believe she turned 9 this year!). 

Welcome to Tustin.

And so, as I get ready to embark on this next address move, I'm looking forward to the change. To have a roommate again (Boy, that is an ironic journey of worlds colliding). And to start the year in a better place, literally and figuratively. And to remember, it's not about my identity in others. It's about the identity of me. 

My friends, I pray that as we can get caught up in the holiday craziness, we don't lose sight of the blessings and faithfulness. I count my blessings a little more carefully as it was a frightful adventure of a year. My motto this year was to THRIVE. I finally know a heck of a lot more of what that looks like, which brings such a deep rooted freedom. Next year's motto is just starting to unfold itself. At this point, for 2015, I want to love. To shine. To hope. And to be free in me. 

With love,

.ellen&stella.

Paralyzing Drama.

It is hard to put into words what has transpired in the last 4 weeks, let alone the last 4 days or even 4 hours. My San Fran man "Bestest" says I have enough change to paralyze a small child. He's right. But somehow, I am making it work. There are those moments when you see it all at work, but I am now watching the pieces move so fast and there isn't even time for a pause button. As fast as I moved to San Diego, it looks as though I am moving back to the LA area. Opportunities are surfacing there that are potentially too good to pass up. Nothing is going according to plan, but in some ways, I think that this plan is better. Detours are being encountered, but it is nothing we can't overcome or celebrate.

There are many changes yet to endure. People are coming out of the woodworks to help me put together this second life. I am being offered places to live and job opportunities that are beyond expectations. I am learning so much about myself in this process. I don't regret one step of this journey thus far. Someone quite familiar with my path said to me that she understands the nights when you want the floor to swallow you whole, but that on the other side of this, I will see that life is far richer and that the experience has strengthened me more than I will ever know.

The cool part: The world is my oyster. (insert cheesy groans and a few yadah yadah yadah's) But I am getting to be creative. I feel the most alive I have ever felt. Maybe it is because I am clawing my way out of struggles, pains, and hardships to get to a place where people are real and genuine. Where I don't dread every minute of the clock. For now, am I scared? Heck yeah. Nervous? Beyond belief. But thankful still. I am getting to meet people that are way out of my comfort circle. I am spending time in the homes of so many wonderful people. I get to see their real life. To be part of their families for a bit. So many people are reaching out to be kind. To help. To love. To offer different things.

The hard part: Not knowing what is next. I suppose you could say that this is part of the ride, but it is also scary as I am not sure what tomorrow brings. This is humbling as I have never worked so hard, but I am learning what that work truly means. I will (hopefully soon) celebrate when the fruits of labor are fully manifesting, but I will celebrate with a great team of people that are supporting this process. It is shaping up to be one heck of a party (and we all know I love to plan a good party!)

So with vague-ness aside, let me be specific about what I am currently doing...I am working to build an event planning business called Studio Black Sheep. It is in the infant stages. After doing just about 200 of my own events, I have partnered with a party soulmate that matches, if not supersedes, my energy level. We have launched our website: www.thestudioblacksheep.com. If you have a birthday celebration, engagement, Christmas party, wedding, non-profit gala, whatever, we are in the business to make your life easier by being your own personal planners. We offer a range of services, so hit us up!

With Studio Black Sheep, one of our concierge services is in partnership with my former website: www.stellabluedress.com. We offer personal shopping for home and fashion as well as home organization. (Who doesn't need a good closet re-organize/purge?!) Let me shop with you and for you. One of my specialties is stretching a buck so don't be afraid that your credit cards will get maxed. You often can do some of the best shopping in your own closet!

So, as I am accustomed to saying...let the adventure continue.