Christmas Letter. 2014.

Dear Friends...

Of course, I'd like to send out Christmas cards, but life is chaotic once again in preparations for my move (yes, I know...again) to a place I hope to call home for more than a minute. 

As I sit down to write this letter, I'm typing it from my phone as I wait to for Jane to finish dance class. (I'll explain later) Life is moving at a completely different pace than it was 12 months ago. But to be truthful, this is peace in chaos, which is unexpected. And I'm more than enjoying this chapter and all it is bringing. Reflecting on this year, it's been a lifetime of events in a mere 350 some odd days. 

I started the year in a relationship and with what I thought was a steady career.  Soon into the year, I was laid off from teaching, so plans to make the relationship more permanent seemed like an attainable reality. The decision to move to him seemed to make sense. I sold half of my furniture, clothes, and much of my other worldly possessions and moved once summer hit. I moved south with great dreams. And I also moved with a plan. Jory (my Bestest) became my business partner and Studio Black Sheep was born. I must say with truth that Jory has been a highlight of my year. The memories we've made in this adventure have been engrained in my brain for a lifetime and the proof lives on in Instagram and on Facebook. I mean, how can we forget that one time in Gustine?! 

And though the move to San Diego was sadly short lived as I love it there, it was a major springboard for change. With the sudden and quite unexpected move back to the LA area, I nannied (for like, a minute) for a few families before landing an amazing job at The LAB. The position, though hard to define, is incredible and tailor made for my personality, but more importantly, the people I've met have made the biggest impact in my life in such a short period of time. My boss and his wife feel like we've known each other for years. He continues to validate me as a person which NEVER happened with my previous working situation. The humor in our office is nothing short of a reality show in the making. And through this working at the office, I've also met the dad of one incredible girl. 

Jane. As I seem to have J's in spades, she's of course, the youngest in my collection, but nonetheless seems to make up for it with her larger than life personality. You know, it's interesting how our lives cross paths with people that are kindred spirits. The kind of people you meet and know you'll be connected for life. And as I have days I miss parts of my life with middle schoolers, I have her to tutor and mentor. She's my people. We understand each other. I get to spend these chunks of time with her. As we work on homework in between her dance classes, we are getting to spend time hanging out too. I see her learn, grow, be silly or serious and to be in conversation. I also get entertained as she is, after all, a thirteen year old. She fills my heart. It isn't something I can label, or even explain in a phrase or even a sentence, but I am thankful for what this is.  

This year has included the births of friendships. The deaths of relationships. A whole heck of a lot of time in a baseball stadium. Countless road trips. Living with gracious people in between chaotic life stages. Lots of #YAAAAASSSSS. Too many cardboard boxes. Idaho. Learning to conquer my anxiety and depression demons. Coffee in excess. A life changing Step Study. My collection of J's. A new car (with the gracious help of my dad and Katty Kat...ahh, Gustine). Making San Fran/Sac town my home away from home. Navigating my way back into church. And of course, Stella (Truly my only constant in this year other than the theme of change. Hard to believe she turned 9 this year!). 

Welcome to Tustin.

And so, as I get ready to embark on this next address move, I'm looking forward to the change. To have a roommate again (Boy, that is an ironic journey of worlds colliding). And to start the year in a better place, literally and figuratively. And to remember, it's not about my identity in others. It's about the identity of me. 

My friends, I pray that as we can get caught up in the holiday craziness, we don't lose sight of the blessings and faithfulness. I count my blessings a little more carefully as it was a frightful adventure of a year. My motto this year was to THRIVE. I finally know a heck of a lot more of what that looks like, which brings such a deep rooted freedom. Next year's motto is just starting to unfold itself. At this point, for 2015, I want to love. To shine. To hope. And to be free in me. 

With love,

.ellen&stella.

Cheeseburgers and Goldfish.

Gone are the days of the .39 cent cheeseburgers. (Thanks for that reminder, Leslie.) Gone is the day of the dorm-approved goldfish pet that somehow birthed at least a dozen little swimmers (get your minds out of the gutter) that we housed in a bucket. And let's not forget the death of our beloved Mrs. C. from Y & R. Those were the days. The good 'ol days. These current days look a lot different. The goldfish is long gone. RIP Nameless Goldfish (The name escapes me. I am sure it had something to do with Jackopierce or some random Smokejumper). And the cheeseburgers, oh the cheeseburgers. Curse you McDonald's. Curse you for jacking up your prices. And curse you for your processed food. And curse you body for not being able to eat 4 of those preservative filled patties without adding extra pounds just looking at you. I add 6 inches to my backside just pulling through that blasted drive-thru. Thankfully, the only thing about that economy cabin fast food joint I guilt on now is their iced coffee.

Anyhow, I am continuing in this process of navigating...I read through my blog posts and this blog seems more like an aimless wandering through unwritten chapters. I have not had afforded you all the grace of my indecent humor or my dry smirks. I have been dying to share with you my obsession with Quinoa (the girl, not the grain). Nor have I truly been able to share with you the life of Juanito, my long lost who-knows-what out in Gustine. Or that Byron Scott is seriously the new head coach for my beloved Lakers. (I bleed the purple and gold--even through the rare, but atrocious seasons.) And my days of sharing about my reality trash TV obsession are non-existent. Bummer for you. Or should I say, bummer for me because my TV is somewhere in storage.

I hear you, Stella. This is exhausting.

Instead, I do all sorts of introspective reflection. Ugh. Gross. And I am in the midst of having (or getting) to share those skeletons with my sponsor to clean out the cobwebs. Cuss. Trust me, I have a hilarious side. I often tell people I am the funniest person I know. Rather these days, I question who I truly trust. The funny is on reserve. There are few I let in the sacred rooms of my heart. And there are those I want to let in, but they have declined the invite. Or maybe it is just that they get lost trying to find their way (again or at all). And then comes a bucket of other wonderings...Who am I now? What the heck am I doing? Who do I want to allow in my inner circle? This crap is exhausting. I long for the days when the biggest question was "What am I going to wear tomorrow?" Or "What day of the week is it so we can get those .39 cent cardboard delights?" First world problems.

There are so many other "crazy" things to share. Like random (or more like divinely orchestrated) encounters with people that say they were supposed to meet me at this time or that, as they have something to share with me. I still marvel at the friendships that have rallied and taken root in the land of foreverness. (That is better than BFFs.) The void of one is filled with many. I am fulfilled. I am happy (working on the joy part). And I am thriving (on most days). All of it seems to be part of a bigger puzzle assembling behind the scenes. And I am in this holding pattern wondering what it all means and how this all will play out.

#partyanimals

So as this journey continues, I hope to share the brighter sides of life (or at least my brilliant humor). The good mixed with the bad. The days when you can eat whatever and not care. (Curse you, Whole 30!) Or spend excessive amounts of time watching goldfish. Because that is real important. Reals important. For now, I share today's highlight (other than two a-mazing client meetings and talking with a few different friends at random) was watching Duke continue his pursuit of fly-chasing as well as an impromptu photo op for a dear friend's birthday. With that, let me present to you, Duke and Stella.