Un-school.

It is my second year of un-school. I survived my first summer with a full-time job. Yes, you read that correctly. I have never worked a real full-time job during the summer in my entire life. It is not a solicitation for sympathy, but a statement of fact. So after 17 first days of school as a student and then 14 more as a teacher (yep, that is a total of 31 school year photos), I see all of the "first day of school" photos all over social media and for a split second, my former life comes into focus. And do I miss it? Nope. Not one ounce. Don't get my wrong, I treasure my years as a student and as a teacher, but the freedom in this life is astronomical.

Grandpa.

In the recent passing of my last grandparent (rest in peace, dear Grandpa), thoughts of my upbringing and family come in to conversation, particularly when it coincides with a rather recent dating relationship as you learn about each other in the various lie aspects. The reoccurring theme for me in conversation is realizing that in my nature, I have been quite a people pleaser, which is ironic being that I had/have such a stubborn streak. It all ties back to life as a teacher.

Growing up, I wanted to be a lot of things. I know there was a time, though brief, that I wanted to be an astronaut. I was told that girls can't be astronauts, so there was that (Where was my girl power then?). And then when I wanted to be a doctor, I remember my grandpa asking me if someone came to me with a face gushing blood, could I stitch them up? So ended my medical career before it could even begin. And as I knew that it was in my nature to teach, a job fair at Biola where Whittier Christian was in attendance, I had a conversation with some of the folk and weeks later I was setting up a classroom. I had become everything I swore I never would.

And though I have reflected on life as a teacher in past posts, I am now celebrating one full year in this new life commemorated in my first annual review yesterday with the owners of the company I now work. I know that in the past, I have had a few asses for bosses that destroyed my sense of being and then some that I cherish for the way that they built my spirit. This was evident in my feeling of the review as I walked in feeling no hesitation as to my value. I was not nervous. I was not apprehensive. All to say that I obviously work in an environment that helps me thrive. I am able to feel empowered and encouraged in who I am. There is a dynamic that is a valued nucleus. And more importantly, I am not following the path of familiarity or what is considered safe and stable. I can have my hair purple. Not worry about any visible tattoos. To not feel stifled in creativity. I have spent the last year and some by finally chasing my own dreams.  Not the dreams others have dreamt for me. This chapter has given me strength to not let others dictate my dreams. It may come across in a form of rebelliousness, which is not intended (though we all have a bit of that in our nature, perhaps). Rather, I think this is more about freedom. I am free to embrace the person within and not feel shame. It is awesome and exhausting all at once. It is not something I can shut off.

My second year of un-school photo.
In New York.
For work.
Nope. Can't complain.

There is a positive energy to fill my world and yours. God is still at work. One is never too old to chase dreams. One is never too old for a do-over. Or a second chance. Go get 'em, kids.

So here is to my own second official year of un-school. Cheers.

Joy.

Call it an epiphany. A revelation. An awakening. A moment. It was probably just intended to be a compliment, but regardless, it was a moment I won't soon forget.

I frequent our company bank almost daily. Truthfully, I take joy in the bank visits, but that is a story for another day. 

All to say, after 6 months of visiting the bank and getting to know the group of Suits, yesterday, the Boss Man Banker asked me to step into his office after I had finished my transactions. Stepping into his office felt like I was being summoned to the office of the principal and we know I'm not a fan of most of those guys, so this was unusual.

As I sat in the chair across from his desk, we exchanged our pleasantries in his glass box of an office. And it was then he said that he needed to tell me something. Oh boy... 

But there was a method to his madness when he said that there is a stereotype to people of the O.C. and that I'm the antithesis. He alluded to the snob culture commonly associated with our neighborhood. Boss Man said I come in to the bank daily bringing JOY. He said that he (as well as the others working at the bank) look forward to my visit as I have energy and reflect positivity. Ironic that I've battled such depression and now this is my victory. The smile in my eyes makes him and others want to know me, so he claimed. And that he sees I have such a story to tell. My laughter and energy is contagious, making me a person that is attractive to others. Wow. I'll take the compliment. 

I am thankful for this particular conversation. But more importantly, I'm beyond grateful that Boss Man Banker took the time to say this. I don't thrive off of the opinions of others, but when life feels amazing and it is noticed, you can't help but feel joy. I am thankful that I can wear my years of sadness and stink face as a badge of honor that I've been able to retire. 

Boss Man Banker, thanks for the compliment. Hopefully it wasn't just fluff to gain business as I'm not interested. And you really aren't my type.