Black.

The dreaded commercialism filled holiday has come and gone yet again. I absolutely hate the day. In fact, I wear black each year as a tribute to our dear friend, Julie Irene Nichol (a.k.a. Penny). Rest in peace, friend. She hated the holiday and boycotted it each year, so it was only fitting to wear black once again in her memory. But also this year, being single for the first time in years, it was all the more reason. Not as a scorned woman, but as a woman empowered. Screw you, capitalist holiday that creates crowded restaurants, overpriced goods, and pressure to need someone. Nope. Not having it. Instead, I spent the day doing things for myself. I went shopping. Ate a delicious meal. Got a pedicure. Met up with a friend. Had a few glasses of wine. And stayed up way too late texting Good Suit. It was exactly the way I wanted to spend the day.

In fact, days like that seem few and far between right now. I have been running on empty with all that my schedule has been packed with these days. I had Jane for 10 days. I have been working weekends doing merchandising and other projects. I moved finally. Again. (And HALLELUJAH!). And I have been trying to catch up with friends and maintain some semblance of a social life. I love the busy-ness of it all, but it is not so good for the time I need to myself. To think. Draw. Paint. Read. Sleep. Reflect. Pray. So as we have entered the season of Lent, I have decided that rather than give up my indulgences or vices like wine, shopping, eating out, sweets, coffee, etc., I am taking back. I am going to start saying no. It is unfortunate, but I have taken a few valuable pages from the book of the boss man. He has empowered me and reminded me to do so. In fact, in recent conversations, he has also shed light on other aspects of my life. Amazing how he is not only an amazing creature as a boss, but speaks such wisdom and demonstrates such care for me as a human. He is one of my Top 10 favorite men I will know in this life.

Recent conversation with boss man led me to finally surrender my "key." Months ago, I took a key during a series at church about the "Key to..." I had been holding on to the key until I could forgive. Trust me, I was white knuckle fisted around this situation of hurt. I had been struggling to forgive someone for years and that also ultimately led to a struggle to forgive myself. And after talking with boss man, he said that the last 12 years of my life, pain and all, have led me to this place where the pieces have all fit. He said that all he sees in me is joy. And rather than hold on to the hurt, I should be thanking that person for freeing me to be where I am now. Ding. Ding. Ding. I have let it go (Go ahead, sing the Frozen version). But truly, I have been able to let the walls down and realize that it is all part of the journey. I am done hurting. I am done harboring. I genuinely miss you. Wish the best for you. And hope our paths cross from time to time. But I am riding the Tsunami of Awesome instead. So thank you. And, for what it is worth, I forgive you. But more importantly, I forgive me.

I am enjoying this new chapter with the Daughter Girl. Suit. Jitana. Deeder. Lita Pita. Inked Writer. Hot Nutz. Gusband Bestest. Spirit Animal. Listen Linda. The Mister. Ronny Tornado. And all of the other people that make my life so colorful.

So, Valentine's Day, you are dumb. You will always be a holiday to wear black. Again, Let's Be Rad. 2015.

2015. Welcome to the Circus, but first...

....Let's be rad.

2015 is here, people. We are a few days in and the motto is official. I thought about Shine. Hope. Love. Adventure. And though those things are all good and will probably be words I think of often this year, to be honest, this is the year to be RAD. Call me a hipster, but rad is the rage.

And so, with that in mind, there are a few things that are on my "to-do list" for the year.

1. 365 pictures in 365 days. A photo journal of my year. I want to document the journey in a few ways as it is amazing all that can happen in a year, so I want to photograph it. Beware Instagram feed. I will blow you up at least once a day. #stellabluedress365 #sorrynotsorry

2. The dreaded weight loss. (Isn't that on most lists?!) Though this year, the number to lose is big. That is all I will say about that.

3. Give something up each month. (January is soda). The list will include giving up french fries, soda, dessert, shopping, etc. and do I dare coffee and/or wine? I might become a lunatic.

4. To run at least 40 miles a month. (100 miles last January became a crazy obsession I am not ready to tackle again)

5. To travel more. Wherever. Whenever.

6. Find adventure.

7. To move once and once only the whole year.

There is more on the list, but that at least gets the party started for now (as I need to be packing for the first [and hopefully only] move of 2015). I know that this year can only go up from what last year's circus looked like. So now it is time to have fun. I want to say yes to the good stuff. To work hard. To devote time and energy to things that matter. To give. To encourage. I want to not be foolish. To love without abandon. And to do things that scare me.

Last year taught me so much about relationships, good, bad and ugly. I have made the conscious choice to forgive myself. It is time to move forward. I have learned to start sorting through the raw emotions of some difficult life stages within the last few year. And I am ready to not push things under the rug.

So, here we go 2015. Let's Be Rad.